Charleston Area Woman Reportedly has, “The Best Day of Her Life”

AP- CHARLESTON, South Carolina

A local 26 year old woman, known to her friends as “T-FAN", reportedly had the best day of her life on Friday, December 29, 2006. Said T-FAN, “I usually just assume that Fridays are going to be pretty damn good, but I just had a special feeling this morning… like the sun was shining a little brighter, birds chirping with more gusto, that this might be the day I hit the Tiffany Trifecta.”

For those unfamiliar with the Tiffany Trifecta, it includes a USC Gamecocks win, a Clemson loss, and Tiffany beating everyone at the Bimimi Ring game out by the beach. The ring game is just that, you hook a ring on a string on a hook by swinging it. T-FAN has spent many hours perfecting her form at home and training with professionals.

Lo and behold, T-FAN got her Trifecta on Friday. She excitedly watched Clemson fall to Kentucky, the Gamecocks beat Houston, and got her ring game title, earning the name Mutha of the Ringmaster among the locals. T-FAN quipped, “I was not sure I could beat that last opponent, those 7 year olds really have the height advantage for the ring game. Good thing I practiced those extra hours before the competition. Can I get another beer, please?”

Eyewitnesses state that T-FAN was spotted jumping into the ocean later in the evening and then apparently she took a short recess to shower and appeared downtown at Tommy Condon’s, dancing the shag with a man in a kilt and then buying the entire bar a round of $1 PBRs at Big John’s. Her final stops of the evening included Henry’s and the bar at Oak Steakhouse for a Woodford Reserve Manhattan.

Sources say that traditionally, someone’s best day of their life is often followed by a not-so-good day.

In an effort to follow up on T-FAN’s wonderful day, we caught up with her this morning at Martha’s Beauty Salon. Vickie, T-FAN’s regular stylist, spent several hours this morning with the local celebrity. Said Vickie, “For some reason, T-FAN is especially quiet when she has early Saturday morning appointments. This morning was the worst we have ever seen. She worn an eye mask the entire time, sunglasses on top of that, and chugged several bottles of Gatorade. When I asked what she wanted done to her hair, she just murmured, ‘Jetaukuninckkoffff’. I could not comprehend what she was saying and she just waved her hand at me when I asked her to clarify. Oh well. Hopefully she will appreciate the new sideswept bang I gave her.”

And there you have it, folks.